ALL OF MY TECHNOLOGIES ARE SHIT

1. Comcast, I blame you. My NBC and related channels (see: Bravo) have been on the blink…AGAIN. Mother of hell, I’m not interested in watching a pixelated and devoid-of-sound Michael Scott. This is only happening in the room with digital cable so it’s the box. You know, the 48th box I’ve had in the past three years. THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE AND YOU KNOW IT AND I EVEN PAID MY BILL ON TIME THIS MONTH TO AVOID YOUR FUCKING SHENANIGANS SO JUST QUIT IT.

2. See 1. My modem has been busted for lord knows how long, but luckily an unsuspecting victim in this building has unprotected Wifi. Hi, government neighbor who wants to steal my files.

3. See 2. My Airport Express does not work because of my internet being in remedial Comcast. So I can’t listen to musics all over my apartment, in which case WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER WITH ANYTHING BUT MIDI FILES ON GEOCITIES PAGES.

4. MY BLACKBERRY HABITUALLY DELETES EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO IT. Oh, you missed that call? Don’t worry, you don’t remember it because BlackBerry says it never happened. Remember Beepberry chat? NO YOU DON’T, THEY NEVER TOOK PLACE. This has happened at least five times, two in the past week. Oh, but don’t worry: I didn’t get a warranty or any sort of insurance for it, so let’s all cross our fingers that it’s really broken and that I can shell out an additional million dollars for another piece of shit. Oh, you needed me to send you an email? Hold on five seconds while I tap it out on this here stone tablet.

I’M A NICE PERSON. I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUNCTIONING TUBES AS A TINY REWARD.